Lady of the Snakes

By Rachel Pastan. In the first scene of this book, Jane gives birth to her daughter Maisie.

The nurse wrapped the baby in a blanket and handed her to Jane, a bundle so light it seemed to weigh less than the completed chapters of her dissertation

With that one sentence, I was hooked. This is a book with beautiful writing and imagery about the profound ambivalence that some women feel about motherhood and career. This ambivalence started for Jane the moment Maisie was born.

She was glad to have Maisie back in her arms where she belonged. Nothing was sweeter than holding her daughter, except for all the times she longed to put her down.

What a perfect description of how I feel, both in general and specifically with my baby Z.

Jane is a brilliant scholar of Russian literature, specializing in Karkov. She is passionate about her work, and when she finishes her dissertation, she lands a plum job at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. The book centers on the knife's edge she tries to walk on, as she attempts to both mother her child and continue her research. During the course of her novel, she digs into the archives to research the diaries of Karkov's wife, and makes an amazing discovery. Both story lines flow together well, although the plot seems a bit contrived at parts.

By the end, Jane understands that her conflicted feelings "would never be banished … the guilt, and the worry about what the right thing was. You could pluck it the way she plucked shiny leaves of goutweed by the driveway, but the blind white roots always thrust up more.”

I really liked this book. There's a lot in it that I can relate to. I'm not as passionate about a particular field as Jane is, making it easier for me to find intellectual diversions from the day to day with home and kids. And I think that these will always be issues for me too, at least on some levels. Gender roles and work and family.