Wednesday, June 23, 2010

another summer solstice

I remember last summer and fall with a shudder. I was angry, impatient, and ready to explode at the slightest provocation. I carried around a feeling of sadness that felt heavy in my chest and it seemed like days would go by without any relief. I was depressed.

This spring and summer, I've been enjoying the extra light. A few times this week, as I sat in my bed reading after the house had grown still, I would occasionally glance out my large window to the west to see if any light was still visible. By yesterday, it had grown hot enough to turn on the air, but I cracked the window to listen to the sounds of summer outside. Last night, around 10, the final traces of light were disappearing.

I was remembering another dark summer solstice when I was struggling with the kids. It was neither an unusual event nor reaction, but it's already two years gone. From even further back, right after we moved to Minnesota, I have another joyful summer memory that I hope someday to get to "see" again--I imagine our own heavenly personal viewing rooms where we can watch moments from our lives.

I feel so peaceful, so calm right now. In spite of all the things that I could improve, in spite of the craziness. I know it won't last, but for now, I am basking.

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