When is a flashback not a flashback?

I am so happy that Lost has started back up again. 16 straight weeks without a break. The first two episodes back have been doozies. Lots of crazy stuff going on. Lots of answers given.

My favorite moments:
1. Edmund Burke getting run over by a bus. It happened so fast and although it shouldn't have been a surprise, I was stunned.
2. Seeing Juliet's transformation from a weak, dominated researcher to a strong willed, clear-minded leader.
2. Mrs. Hawking and the information she gave Desmond. "The universe has a way of course correcting." That whole episode was CRAZY! And gives us a big hint about the island: time is not as linear as we think it is...

I am also loving the official ABC Lost podcast. Damon Lindelof and Carleton Cuse, the executive producers, are so so fun to listen to. You get a little look behind the scenes, you get a few hints of what's coming, and you get to laugh hard at them. Listening to that almost makes doing the dishes a pleasure.
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Les Choristes

When AJ was out of town, I watched The Chorus, a French film. It is the story of a dreary and hard-edged school full of trouble-making boys who have been ejected from other educational venues. It seemed to be a school of last resort for them. A failed musician comes as a new teacher and seeks to impose discipline and respect without the cruelty of the other staff, but without success. He finally decides to teach them to sing in a chorus. One of the biggest problem students is Pierre Morhange, but it turns out that he has an amazing musical gift.

It is a charming movie--Pierre's voice is angelic and I was emotionally moved by listening to him and the chorus of boys.
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Peacemaker in 2-year old Skin

Earlier this week, right after MJ had gotten up, she was camped out on the stairs, near a bunch of her stuff she had left out. I was still in my pjs, and was coming downstairs. I slipped on her toys and when my legs came out from under me, I bounced down the stairs on my rear. In my shock and pain, I was angry with her, and I forcefully took her over to the couch and sat her down hard, asking her why she had left her toys on the stairs. I then went back to the stairs and hurled the toys, one after another, into the family room, shouting that if we couldn't pick up toys, I was going to throw them out. I am not happy with how I reacted, but this is what happened. Then I went back over to the couch and sat down to tell her that she needed to pick up her stuff, that we could get seriously hurt by falling down the stairs, etc. T was standing nearby, watching the whole scene. He kept looking at MJ, a bit upset by her distress. Then he said to me, "She didn't mean to. Sometimes it happens that we get hurt." Just like that. I was totally floored. I couldn't believe those words were coming out of his mouth, but of course, he was right. And it broke the tension and I gave them both a hug.

I'm not sure if he has heard us use phrases like this, or where he got it. This was the first time I had heard him say this. And although his words were quite effective on this occasion, I didn't buy it this morning, when, after unrolling toilet paper in the bathroom and through the hall, he said, "I didn't mean to. It sometimes happens that I unroll toilet paper." That was the second time he tried to use those same words when he had made a mess of something. He must have seen how those words impacted me with MJ and decided to try them again to see if they could get him out of trouble.
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New Moon

I finally got Stephenie Meyer's new book from the library. I think when I reserved the book, I was 50th or 60th, something like that. I felt compelled to read it, even though I didn't absolutely love Twilight. I'm not going to say much, but I felt like

1. it was very plot driven
2. Bella was an emotional mess. I mean, I know break-ups are hard, but I felt like she couldn't get her life back together until Edward came back.
3. The plot swerved everywhere. There was one line going, then it totally veered off in a second direction and the two lines never came together. It seems that the book is a bridge between the first one and the third, not yet written, one. It didn't stand up on its own.
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Other book group

I am still on the email list for the previous book group I attended. I love to hear what they're doing and reading. I just got an email about what they will be reading in the next year.

White Guilt: How Blacks and Whites Together Destroyed the Promise of the Civil Rights Era by Shelby Steele; definitely sounds like a great topic

Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood
"Homer’s Odyssey is not the only version of the story. Mythic material was originally oral, and also local -- a myth would be told one way in one place and quite differently in another. I have drawn on material other than the Odyssey, especially for the details of Penelope’s parentage, her early life and marriage, and the scandalous rumors circulating about her. I’ve chosen to give the telling of the story to Penelope and to the twelve hanged maids. The maids form a chanting and singing Chorus, which focuses on two questions that must pose themselves after any close reading of the Odyssey: What led to the hanging of the maids, and what was Penelope really up to? The story as told in the Odyssey doesn’t hold water: there are too many inconsistencies. I’ve always been haunted by the hanged maids and, in The Penelopiad, so is Penelope herself." -- from Margaret Atwood’s Foreword to The Penelopiad

Freakonomics by Steven Leavitt: GREAT book, I read it last May on vacation; lots of fascinating material to discuss

The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell: I also really liked this book. I suggested it for my book group, but it was an off-the-cuff idea, so I didn't pitch it very well, and they seemed turned off by the idea of it containing sex slavery. But, it would be a great book to discuss in book group.

His Excellency: George Washington by Joseph Ellis: I gave this to AJ for Christmas last year. Haven't read it yet, though.

The Painted Veil by W. Somerset Maughan
From Library Journal
Shallow, poorly educated Kitty marries the passionate and intellectual Walter Fane and has an affair with a career politician, Charles Townsend, assistant colonial secretary of Hong Kong. When Walter discovers the relationship, he compels Kitty to accompany him to a cholera-infested region of mainland China, where she finds limited happiness working with children at a convent. But when Walter dies, she is forced to leave China and return to England. Generally abandoned, she grasps desperately for the affection of her one remaining relative, her long-ignored father. In the end, in sharp, unexamined contrast to her own behavior patterns, she asserts that her unborn daughter will grow up to be an independent woman.


The Backslider by Levi Peterson
Book description: Frank Windham is just a Mormon cowboy—hard-working, trying to be honest, convinced he is going to hell for incurable lust, and convinced that he deserves to. He has an ultra-pious mother, a brother who is more than just a little touched in the head, and a comfortable Lutheran girl friend who knows she has been saved. This is a novel about sin and salvation, written with raunchiness and reverence. It is also an extraordinary landmark in Mormon fiction—the first to consider the tension between guilt and sexual frustration.


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling: not sure how this one would play out in a discussion group, but could be fun


The Brief History of the Dead by Kevin Brockmeier
From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. A deadly virus has spread rapidly across Earth, effectively cutting off wildlife specialist Laura Byrd at her crippled Antarctica research station from the rest of the world. Meanwhile, the planet's dead populate "the city," located on a surreal Earth-like alternate plane, but their afterlives depend on the memories of the living, such as Laura, back on home turf. Forced to cross the frozen tundra, Laura free-associates to keep herself alert; her random memories work to sustain a plethora of people in the city, including her best friend from childhood, a blind man she'd met in the street, her former journalism professor and her parents. Brockmeier (The Truth About Celia) follows all of them with sympathy, from their initial, bewildered arrival in the city to their attempts to construct new lives. He meditates throughout on memory's power and resilience, and gives vivid shape to the city, a place where a giraffe's spots might detach and hover about a street conversation among denizens. He simultaneously keeps the stakes of Laura's struggle high: as she fights for survival, her parents find a second chance for love—but only if Laura can keep them afloat. Other subplots are equally convincing and reflect on relationships in a beautiful, delicate manner; the book seems to say that, in a way, the virus has already arrived. (Feb.)

The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo: I have this on my shelf, but it's been a long time since I read it. I remember liking it though.


The New Urbanism: Toward an Architecture of Community by Peter Katz
The New Urbanism is a movement that seeks to restore a civil realm to urban planning and a sense of place to our communities. It is a tangible response to the failed Modernist planning that has resulted in unchecked suburban sprawl, slavish dependence on the automobile, and the abandonment and decay of our cities.
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Disappointing evening

Last night I attended book group where we discussed the authorized biography of Mother Teresa. It also seemed to be an authorized discussion of her as well, as virtually no one said anything askance about her. Except me that is. I tried to ask thought provoking questions in a non-offensive way about some of the issues I had read about and felt. But, most everyone was quick to support her. And my questions were mostly after the lengthy discussion about all the good things she has done. Which I agree are many. She is an amazing woman. I fully concur. But, she was not a perfect woman. Can we not talk about her in a human way? Why can't we say, "She made mistakes" instead of, "well, her mission was to love and to help the poor. That was all she could do. It doesn't matter that she didn't really do anything to prevent the spread of infectious diseases in her homes for death." I'm not saying that the previous statement isn't true. It very well might be. But, why can't we talk about it??? I guess I won't suggest that we read and study the background for the revelation about extending preisthood to the blacks. I can only imagine how this type of reaction would play out when discussing a prophet and the "only true and living church."

I have been depressed the last few days. And I came home last night depressed. Between this and a small incident last week, I feel lonely and am longing for some local friends. Not just really nice people who I can associate with (of which there are quite a few), but friends who want to puzzle about issues and ask questions and who I can have in depth, interesting, and meaty conversations with. Everyone last night seemed happy about MT's very traditional view on women. "Isn't it great how she spoke out on abortion?" In a very radical and militant way, in my view. "And how she wanted women to stay in the home?" "Isn't this a great quote: 'Home if where mother is.'" It made me feel so abnormal.

Maybe part of the reason why I have been depressed is the resurfacing of the issue of my place. I don't feel comfortable where I'm at right now. I don't love it. It doesn't feel "right". I wish I knew that someday I would feel settled in a (metaphysical) place. We had dinner with an amazing couple whom I desparately wish live in our ward boundaries. She is my age and has just started grad school in rhetoric and women's studies. She has two kids, both a little bit older than MJ and T. Her life is crazy and busy, but she has a direction and a path that she feels great about, and to me, it's an exciting one. Too bad she's so busy that she doesn't have a lot of time to socialize. We talked about so many interesting things. Maybe that also made me long for things that I don't have in my life right now.

How do I find more women like this? I want to start another discussion/book group. Oh, how I miss my my NYC friends and my book group in Pittsburgh. (They also met last night, and I couldn't help but think about what they were talking about.) I'm sure these kind of women must exist in the greater Minneapolis area, but how do I find them?
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Mother Teresa, Beyond the Image

To supplement my reading of Spink's authorized biography of Mother Teresa, I turned to Anne Sebba's biography Mother Teresa: Beyond the Image. It was immensely more readable than Spink's. So too, it was a more balanced portrayal of her. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when in the introduction I read "No individual is perfect, and by blacking out those aspects which make them a fully rounded human being, the media and those who collude with them do her a disservice. Once any small weakness is observed, people feel let down, cheated; eventually, the person is exposed to attack."

The first half of the book recounts chronologically the details of her life, and the second half examines questions arising out of Mother Teresa's work and philosophy.

In Spink, I got little hints of some aspects of her personality that were confirmed in Sebba's account.

1. Mother Teresa was a bit of a control freak. She wanted to be in charge and micro-manage every aspect of the Missionaries of Charity. She had a set of rules and was scrupulous in making sure the sisters followed them. She never wanted to colloborate with others, and when the Co-Workers started growing too much, she disbanded their institution.
2. She strongly favors faith and prayer over knowledge. In her houses of death, she was more likely to say that someone was going home to God, rather than to try to implement any medical procedures and practices that might help that person recover. She refused to use trained nurses, and refused to separate the infectious patients into their own area. The missionaries of charity were not to read any newspapers or books, since they were not needed to inform them. Rather, they should trust in the Holy Spirit for all the knowledge that they needed. Missionaries were tranferred quickly from place to place, without the opportunity to build up specialized practical or language skills. Love was all they needed.
3. She was fierce in her insistence of the order's subjection to poverty. Sebba recounts an experience in San Francisco where a house had been readied for the Missionaries of Charity. When Mother Teresa showed up, she was very disapproving of the "luxury" there, and rugs and mattresses were thrown out the windows, along with the water heater. In another case, she chastized sisters for canning tomatoes during a time of thier abundance. "MofC do not store things, but must rely on God's providence."
4. She was relentless in her support of the Catholic church and its authority, and was especially vocal about speaking up against abortion and contraceptive use. She would not give her babies for adoption to couples who used contraception since they "cannot love freely and unconditionally."
5. Temporal rules such as building and fire codes were deemed unimportant, since God would provide. This goes hand in hand with point 2. She refused to spend time compiling accountability reports to individual donors who had given money to her institution, so there was often very little understanding of how much money had been given and to what use it was going.

I have highlighted criticisms of her here, but this is not to suggest that Sebba's book was only critical. There were several portions of the book where I felt renewed awe and inspiration at her life and work.

And finally, I liked this description of the difference between the two books:

Spink's life of Mother Teresa has the appearance of a pre-Vatican II holy card--an uncritical image of a saint always naively happy and trusting completely in Providence...In contrast, Sebba's work contains light and shadows as she asks key biblical questions that Mother Teresa struggled with every day of her life: What are the poor among us and how can we respond to their needs?
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July 21, 2007

Today, I received emails from Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, and Borders all informing me that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be released for sale on July 21, 2007. Yipee! I am very excited for the final installment. Although, I think it will be sad too--no more books to look forward to. And no more speculation on what will happen next. For the record, I think Snape will redeem himself in this book. I believe this for the simple reason that Dumbledore always had reason to trust him. We never found out why, but I suspect that we will in Deathly Hallows.

With the three emails, each imploring me to pre-order from them, with a guaranteed delivery on the 21st, I thought back to the way we have gotten the last three books.

Book 4 was released in the summer of 2000. We were staying overnight with two kids from a ward family. J was 7 (I think), but was quite the boy wonder reader, and he had already read books 1-3. So, AJ took him to the Barnes and Noble in Princeton and they waited in line until midnight, coming home with a book each.

Book 5 was released in the summer of 2003 when we were living in NYC. We must have had a babysitter staying with MJ, but I can't remember who it was. We went to a Barnes and Noble on the upper west side to also try to obtain a just past midnight copy, but by the time we got there, the line stretched from the top floor of the store, down the stairs, and out the door, all the way up the block. It seemed it would be quite a wait, and dubious whether we would ever be able to lay our hands on our own copy, so we gave up and went home. I was so mad. The next day, I went to a Barnes and Noble on the east side, and they had scads, so I got one there. It was raining, and I walked up the street, found a Subway, and camped out there reading the first few chapters while eating a sandwich. Later, I heard from a lot of friends that they had gotten their copies from Amazon or B&N the first thing the morning it was released, and I kicked myself for not going that route.

Fast forward to the summer of 2005. We were in Pittsburgh, and I had decided to order a copy rather than battle crowds. I watched and watched for the UPS truck that morning, but it didn't come. When I was at the post office in my neighborhood in Squirrel Hill, I jealously looked at a woman in line reading a copy of the Half Blood Prince, then walked up the street to the B&N there. There was a huge stack of books, and the crowds were thin! Ugh--Foiled again. I think the delivered copy arrived at 4 or so that afternoon.

We are in another place now, so I have no idea what it will be like here at the B&N at midnight. I don't know when I can expect a package delivered, if in the morning, the afternoon, or when. Yes, those extra few hours matter to me! I know it's silly, but oh, how I love laying hands on a new volume of Harry Potter and devouring it in short order. I want to be one of those who is reading it the first moment it is available.

This summer, in a long distance move and with lots of painting to do , I discovered the audio recordings by Jim Dale. I listened books 1-6 and I adore them. When we were in NYC, we could have gone to a B&N to hear him read Chapter 1 of The Order of the Phoenix. We didn't, and I now regret it.

While there are already 1701 people with their names on a waiting list at the library for the book, they haven't opened up a file for the audiobook. Should I read the book, and then just wait for a while to listen to the audio? Should I try to read and then listen directly after? Or...hmm. What about listening first??? That would take me back to my childhood when I eagerly awaited the next chapter of the book my mom was reading out loud to us first. I would almost certainly have to fork over the $50 or so bucks to get it on CD, because I know I wouldn't be able to wait to get a copy from the library. It would be awesome, though, to be the first one to check out a library copy of the audio book. But, how could I finagle that? Ahh! The sweet anticipation.
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River Secrets

This is the third Bayern book by Shannon Hale. I don't have much to say about it. The writing, although mostly wonderful, felt slightly less polished than her others (but it's been a while since I read them). Not too surprisingly, we meet a water-speaker in this one. She does a great job in creating and filling out the character of Razo, but the other characters are not quite as vivid as before.
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The Places in Between

Over the course of 40 days, the author of this book walks across Afghanistan a mere 6 weeks after the fall of the Taliban. In the dead of the winter. What kind of crazy guy is he? He describes his treks through the snow, in blizzards, across mountain passes. He relies on the goodness of villagers along the way to provide him shelter and food. He picks up a large retired fighting dog along the way that accompanies him for much of his walk. In the opening chapter, a member of the newly reformed Security Service warns him: "It is mid-winter. There are three meters of snow on the high passes, there are wolves, and this is a war. You will die, I can guarantee." My main reaction was incredulity that anyone would subject themself to such a daunting task.

Through his journey, he meets members of all four of the main ethnic groups in the country and through the recounting of his experiences with them, I got a tiny taste of Afghanistan: the regional differences, the narrow local focus, the differences in worldview of Afghans compared to Westerners. I wish he would have given a bit more of the history and filled in details. More, he simply describes his trek.
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Mother Teresa

In February, our book group will be discussing Mother Teresa: An Authorized Biography by Kathryn Spink. I don't think there could be a drier biography of such an amazing woman. The information about her life was fascinating, but the manner in which it was presented was so hard to get through. But because there are several other things I want to read, I forced myself to push through it in short order.

As to the writing:

• She records events, but doesn't have a compelling narrative to string it all together
• It is a jumble chronologically, and the themes of her chapters aren't strong enough to carry it by (supposed) topic
• It is full of Catholic terminology, without much explanation. I assume the author is Catholic, and she seems to be assuming that I am Catholic.
  

I also am innately suspicious of the "authorized" biography. What is she leaving out? What is she scrubbing clean? I do feel like we don't get a very full picture of Mother Teresa's personality, but I don't know if that's due to poor writing or to Spink's desire to never make even a slightly negative comment about her subject. There are a few times when she mentions something that was controversial, but its discussion is always limited to only a few lines, and it's clear that the author feels like she is writing about a near perfect person.

It is truly amazing, though, the things that Mother Teresa did. Her vows of poverty and her consistent and steadfast desire to serve the poorest of the poor. The leprosy houses and the death houses, where people could be treated with dignity and respect. She obviously had a calling to this work, and she was successful in helping so many of the downtrodden of society. I thought it interesting that each Missionaries of Charity chapel was inscribed with "I Thirst". however, I didn't end up with a great feeling of regard and love for Mother Teresa after reading the book. She felt flat to me, and I think I will look for some documentaries about her in order to hear her speak and give her a bit more body.

And honestly, the feeling I came away with from the book was that while she would be an amazing person to meet, someone to hold in high esteem, and someone who did so so much good in the world, she was also inflexible, bossy, and someone you couldn't really sit down with and have a chat with. But really all of those things helped her in her single-minded determination to help the poor.

This line in the book struck me: "In the historic struggle between Galileo and the church, Mother Teresa would have taken the side of the Church, the side of obedient faith against radical progress based on rational faith." Spink seems to be suggesting that taking the side of the church against Galileo was the higher road. She also suggests here and other places that Mother Teresa never questioned the church's authority and position. And that she would follow the church no matter what. That's very different from what I naturally do. "Obedient faith" is not my forte, and I am a thinker and questioner and doubter.
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Addressing envelopes

One of my major pet peeves is receiving a letter addressed to Mr and Mrs John Doe. My mom recently addressed an envelope this way. My identity is completely subsumed inside my husband's name. UGH! I am not just a subset of my husband! I am my own person. Please distinguish me from him by including MY NAME on the envelope. Jane and John Doe would be just fine.

Last night, as I glanced at a letter than had come to us addressed this way, I slammed my fist onto the counter top. Here was my husband's name, exactly the same name he had been given at birth more than 30 years ago. But there was absolutely no vestige of any piece of my birth name. In this way of addressing, the girl I was has completely disappeared. My marriage has transformed me into someone different, to be identified only by my relationship to my husband. Yet, his identity as going from a single to married man has remained intact. UGH and UGH again!
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Blink

Blink was the selection for book group this month, and so I reread this widely popular and fascinating account of the way humans can make instantaneous decisions by Malcolm Gladwell. I found that my reaction the second time through was quite a bit different than the first.

The first time, I was taken, amazed, and intrigued by Gladwell's anecdote after anecdote: speed dating, the health of marriages, Greek statues, and food tasters to name just a few, all woven together in a narrative about how humans are wired to make sound judgements in short order. I love reading Gladwell in the New Yorker. He turns an argument on its head, but in such a logical and unimpeachable manner, and tells the stories to back it up that I am led to believe him and feel he is a harbinger of social change. Blink reads like a series of New Yorker articles with the same clear narrative, embedded in larger arguments.

This time through, though, instead of focusing the majority of my attention on his examples, I concentrated on his over-arching theory. He starts out the book with quite grandiose claims:

1--Blink will convince the reader that decisions made quickly can be every bit as good as decisions made cautiously and deliberately. Ok, so I think he met this objective with me.
2--We will learn when to trust our instincts and when we should be wary of them. "When our powers of rapid cognition go awry, they go awry for a very specific and consistent set of reasons, and those reasons can be identified and understood." Totally failed with me. With all the examples where accurate judgment was rendered instantly and where it failed, I couldn't see the big lessons. "If someone 'looks' like a president, I should be wary of his ability to be a good president?" (Warren Harding example) "If someone is black, I need to know that I probably have unconscious biases towards them?" (Implicit Association Test and the Amadoo Diallo example)
3--We will be convinced that our snap judgments and first impressions can be educated and controlled. I might be slightly convinced, but I don't have really a good of how they can be trained.

I read a couple of reviews that echoed what I felt:

From Salon.com: Still, it's hard to know what to do with this news about how our unconscious works...If you're looking for one, this is the main flaw in Gladwell's work: He sees great meaning in the connections between many bodies of research, and he claims nothing less than that the meaning he has extracted could possibly change life as we know it. But in the end he's not very specific about how such changes will occur, or about how we should proceed in implementing the things he shows us. There are likely to be many readers who'll feel empty by the end, who will question whether the entire theory actually means anything or whether, instead, they've just been treated to a tour of Gladwell's really fabulous cabinet of strange wonders, and that all there is to do about it is discuss what they saw. (I love that language!)

From NYT: If you want to trust my snap judgment, buy this book: you'll be delighted. If you want to trust my more reflective second judgment, buy it: you'll be delighted but frustrated, troubled and left wanting more.
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Ines of my Soul

When I started reading Isabel Allende's newest book, I didn't realize that Ines, the book's narrator, was based on a real person. Ines Suarez, who left her life as a poor seamstress in Spain in the 1530's, was a conquistadora and influential in the formation of the modern nation of Chile. Allende wrote the book, I think, in large part to give voice to a woman who although had contributed greatly to the conquest of Chile and the building up of Santiago, had largely been forgotten by historians.

The story telling is wonderful and I really enjoyed reading this book. AJ gave it to me for my birthday, and I read it the first week of January as I sat in the hospital with MJ. I learned quite a lot about the Spanish conquest of Chile.

I would love to learn more about Allende's process of putting the book together. She makes Ines into a fiery, independent, and tough woman, and I wonder how she found out about her in the first place and what documents she used to piece the story together. How much is really known about Ines?

I listened to a short interview with Allende on NPR and she (first?) found Ines in the Inquisition records of Ines' lover, Pedro de Valdivia. Pedro was married and had left his wife in Spain to come to the Americas as a central figure in the conquest of Spain. Allende describes the love that motivated Ines to follow him to Chile and help him fulfill his dream to extend Spain's territory to the south. Allende said that one she found Ines' connection to Valdivia, she was researched other Spaniards involved in the conquest of Chile to piece together a story. Still, though, I am left unsatisfied with the back story of the novel.
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Approaching Prayer

As part of my newly aquired taste for easily accessible and interesting audio, I have jumped on the Podcast bandwagon. Two of my favorite NPR shows (This American Life and Speaking of Faith) are offering free podcasts of their shows, so I can easily download them to my IPod and listen to them whenever I want. This contrasts with the hit and miss (and partial listening) to them on the radio.

Yesterday as I was driving around in the car, I listened to a recent Speaking of Faith episode called Approaching Prayer. Then, tonight, as I was doing the dishes I relistened to portions of it. There were three guests that discussed with the host different modes of prayer. I have a lot of thoughts stemming from listening to this. But, I wanted to specifically talk about Steven Mitchell, one of the guests, and some of the things he shared. He has translated many sacred texts. As mentioned in the show, one reviewer said that he translates God into English. He talked about the love that he has for sacred texts--both prose and poetry--and his desire for intimacy with them. So, he immerses himself in something specific for a given period of time. He used an analogy that really caught my attention. If someone is pointing their finger at the moon, we don't look at their finger, but at the moon. Sacred texts are valuable inasmuch as they point us to something bigger. We don't want to get trapped staring only at the texts, but trying to glean their larger message. What shines through the words is what we really care about. He talked about what is at the edge of the words. The most they can do is speak with a kind of depth and beauty to point beyond themselves.

This reminded me of a talk given by an undergrad in our Princeton ward. James was a recent convert with a non-Christian background whose family lived in Long Island. He discussed how words are meaningful only inasmuch as we give them cultural significance. We use words to describe abstract concepts. As soon as the words leave our mouths, they exit and disappear forever into the universe. But, what we are trying to represent with those words maintains.

But, back to Mitchell and the program. It was amazing and I really felt spiritually invigorated and excited in a way that I haven't in a while. I felt inspired to look to other faith traditions at their sacred texts. The first guest on the program was Anushka Shankar who plays the sitar. She talked about Indian (and Hindu) chanting. But, as I listened, I thought that there must be certain cadences in the universe and that there are probably many ways to tap into them. I would like study texts from other religions to see what kinds of insights they have. Mitchell has a few anthologies that I want to look into.

In general, though, it was so refreshing to hear prayer talked about in a different way. In a way that really made me want to improve my dialogue with God, rather than feeling like "yeah, I really should work on that."
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Ten Circles Upon the Pond

Another book. I read this one a while ago. It is the memoir of a mother with 10 kids. 10 kids! wow. She and her husband are Catholic and that played a big role in her decision to have such a big family. She stays home with her children and writes this book when she is older. She devotes a chapter to each child. On one of her children's 4th or 5th birthday, she took her alone to an event. The little girl was scared. "I've never been alone with you before." Yikes! I can really see how my relationship with MJ has changed since T was born. And I can't imagine how parents could maintain individual relationships with each child in a large family (although I believe it could be done.) Just so hard.

It was hard for me to really "get" this book. Not only the desire for a big family, but wanting to live in rural areas.

One of my other problems with the book was that it was hard to keep all the pieces together. First, all the different children. But also, there weren't many larger themes that drew the chapters together, at least that I could. (Besides family)

Not much else to say about this one. Just wanted to put up a bit about it. (But 10 kids!)
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Three Weeks with My Brother--Audio

Nicholas Sparks is a well known and best selling novelist. I haven't read anything by him, but now know all about his life listening to the audio version of Three Weeks With My Brother. It was the perfect audio book--it wasn't complicated and the story was interesting enough to keep my attention. Previous to this, I had two aborted audio books. John Adams was a mammoth 21 cassettes, and I knew it would be hard to pay attention all the way through. And Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil just didn't capture my fancy after the first side of the first tape.

A few thoughts.

1. Before T was born, we thought a lot about the name Micah for a boy. I like it now more than ever and would consider it in the future if the circumstance arose.
2. The book toggles between the author's past and current, where he and his brother Micah take a 3 week trip around the world. I was attracted to it initially as a travel book, but it turns out the memoir of Sparks and his family was much more interesting to me than hearing about all the sights he and Micah visited. And really, the sights of Machu Pichu and Ayer's Rock and on and on served mostly to detail the relationship between the brothers and provide the framework to reflect on their past shared history. I didn't know much about it before starting, which heightened the suspense and uncertainty of what would happen to their family.
   
3. There were a lot of things I couldn't believe in the description of themselves as children. The parents were very hands off letting them run around and discover things and get into a lot of trouble. I can't imagine a parent being able to raise children this way today. A lot of it was shocking.
   
4. It is quite amazing to think of all these two brothers have been through. Over the period of about 10 years, both of their parents had dies in tragic accidents, and their sister suffered from a fatal brain tumor. It does seem like too much for one family to endure. The story evolves over time, and it is clear that the events have pulled the two brothers together. it made me wish that I had a closer relationship with my sisters. It's also interesting to see how they both responded to the tragic events.
   
5. Sparks' wife Katherine (who he calls Kat) is amazing. She stays home with her 5 kids, while her husband goes on book tours and takes a three week vacation with his brother. I would have a hard time with that.
   

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Reading

I have posted a lot about the books I've read. I love to read, and always am in the middle of something. I often carry a book or a copy of the New Yorker around with me, because you never know when you might be stuck in a line, or in some other place waiting. And I usually read when I'm at the gym.

I have always loved to read. I started reading at a young age, and remember the stacks of library books I would check out from the local bookmobile. Making it through them was one of my favorite summer experiences.

For the first 20 or so years of my reading career, I mostly read fiction (although I do remember reading quite a few biographies as a kid). But, in the last 10 years, I have come to appreciate non-fiction much more and probably read more of it than fiction now. I think that the switch was fueled by the realization that I could learn so so much about (what I perceive as) the real world. (Not to say that I couldn't learn about the real world from reading fiction, but it's obviously quite a bit different.) However, I will never be one who doesn't have time to read fiction--and am quite happy to occasionally pick up some escapist novel.

Anyway, last month for our book group, we read the transcript of a BYU devotional talk given by Van Gessel, the dean of the humanities department. There were a lot of interesting ideas in it about culture and literature. He quotes Sven Birkets, and I've thought a lot about this since:

To open a book voluntarily is at some level to remark the insufficienty either of one's life or of one's orientation toward it. When we read, we not only transplant ourselves to the place of the text, but we modify our natural angle of regard upon all things; we reposition the self in order to to see differently.

Gessel uses this to further his argument about how reading good literature (he mostly considers this the "classics") engenders empathy and understanding for people and situations that we could otherwise not gain to nearly the same extent. But for me, the impact of the quotation speaks more to my need to a window peering out of my very narrow life right now. I am home with my kids. I am physically in my home for a great deal of time each day. My daily concerns center on feeding, clothing, entertaining, and keeping peace (or physically restraining) my children. I get weary of it. But because at this moment there is not a lot of chance to have a substantial change in my circumstances, I turn to reading as an outlet. It give my mind something to chew on. And with my recent discovery of audio books (and my very exciting christmas present of an IPod Shuffle), I don't have to feel guilty (as I sometimes do) to sit down with a book while neglecting my home. Instead, I can listen to a book as I do the dishes and clean up.

Someday when my circumstances are different, or when we make a change in the way we do things at home, then I hope to have other outlets and develop other interests and talent. But, for the moment, I am very grateful for books. (And, I must say, for our library system that allows me to order in any book I want and have it delivered to my local branch.)

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After Christmas Holiday Shopping

So my sister said that she can't imagine why anyone would go shopping the day after Christmas. I think it's my favorite day of the year to shop. While I really don't get excited about shopping the day after Thanksgiving, I love shopping the Christmas clearance aisles the day after Christmas. AJ's sister got me hooked a few years back. You just go out first thing in the morning (although I didn't go until the end of the morning yesterday) and go to the places where you want to look for Christmas stuff. I got quite a few ornaments at Cost Plus World Market 75% off. I got some stockings at Michaels, 50% off. I got a 2007 calendar, 50% off and some clearance items at Old Navy including slippers for Andy. I went to Pier One, which in the past has yielded great finds, but nothing from there this year. And my favorite purchase of this end of Christmas season were a couple of sets of simple red plates from Target. 50% off. I will use them for Christmas, but also other holidays like Valentines and 4th of July. Plus, I could really use them any time of the year with the yellow and red napkins and placemats from New Mexico that the in-laws got me a few years back. Yeah! I'm really happy about those. My tree is decorated almost entirely with ornaments collected in after Christmas sales, and I have Christmas tablecloths and napkins too from shopping at Foleys with AJ's mom. Although I had an absolutely spectacular Christmas in Italy last year, I felt a little sad to miss the post holiday clearance.

The one thing that made me a little sick in my stomach? Not the shoppers, although there were quite a few. But, it was looking at the stock for the next big commercial venture: Valentines Day stuff. Please, just give me a little break!
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Children's Books at Christmas

Last year we started the tradition of opening a Christmas book each night until Christmas. When we went to Italy, we didn't keep it going 100%, but this year we have done a really good job. I wanted to write a list of all the books we've read this year (some from the library) and put a couple of notes about them here so that next year, I will remember what we liked and didn't like.

Two of Robert Sabuda's pop-up including The Night Before Christmas and The Twelve Days of Christmas. The kids especially love the first--probably because they associate it more with Christmas than the other.

This is the Star is a great one--different elements of the Christmas story are added on each page, until all are together. Drawings are beautiful, but T doesn't understand why the star, animals, etc are not on each page, even though it says, "here is the star in the sky" on each page.

You are Special and The Crippled Lamb are both by a Texas minister named Max Lucado. I used to think that he was Mormon, because these books are so popular among Church members. Just this afternoon, I was in a church bookstore, and saw several of his selections on their shelves, including Tu Eres Especial. When we started this tradition last year, my sister sent these two books as Christmas gifts. I didn’t like that the main characters were called Josh and Abigail, currently two of the most popular children’s names, in the Crippled Lamb. As if Lucado were trying to reach children by making the story feel more familiar and accessible to them. (Of course, in the other book, he uses the unheard of Punchinello and Lucia.) He also delivers the moral/spiritual message with quite a whomp on the head. It reminded me a bit of a Veggie Tales book that the kids found at the library. After reading it once with them, I quickly squirreled it away and returned it early. I wonder how to best teach children about spiritual things. Clearly, for children, subtle message often spin into oblivion with them. Maybe a clear, oft repeated, no fuzziness message helps them to internalize spiritual teachings. I want to think more on this: what is the best way to help children have authentic spiritual experiences and learn spiritual things.

Pop-Up Nativity This is a new one, a gift from my mom. I love it. The author's name is Italian (not sure where she lives), but the pictures are very Renaissance looking. MJ loves it and thinks Mary and the angels in it are beautiful.

One of my favorite author discoveries this year is Tomie DePaola. I knew him before from a variety of books, most notably Strega Nona. This year, reading about the Mexican tradition of Las Posadas and legend of the poinsettia took on special meaning since MJ is learning Spanish at school. I am also somewhat enthralled with the mystery of Catholic traditions ever since going to Italy last year. Plus, I just love DePaola's drawing. MJ has asked to read these ones over and over. The Miracle of Las Posadas and The Legend of the Poinsettia.

Last week, as I was coming home from a Christmas concert, The Story with Dick Gordon was on NPR. He had a charming converstion with Tomie DePaola--half Irish, half Italian, and grew up in Connecticut. He reminisced with many Christmas stories from his youth and childhood and it was just delightful to listen to. Maybe next year, we will try this book of his--a chapter book for older children: Christmas Remembered

We got this one last year. The Legend of the Christmas Rose. It is the story of the little sister of some of the shepherds. She desparately wants to meet the baby King, but is told she cannot come. Instead of being left at home though, she trails behind her brothers only to discover when they are almost there that she has no gift to give. I love that it injects a new female into the traditional story. And the drawings are exquisite.

I also got Snowmen at Christmas last year. It is the whimsical story of the snowpeople (and animals) coming to life to celebrate their own Christmas in the night. I don't love it though. The rhyme seems forced. And the CTR on the hat of one of the snowman is a little weird in my opinion--a symbol to insiders, but meaningless for everyone else. Maybe it is meant as joke to those in the know. That said, the pictures are fun and the kids like looking at it.

One of the things I noticed this year is that we have a lot of longer stories and not much that T wanted to sit through. This was one exception: Touch and Feel First Christmas. Although it gets old the 10th time through, there are lots of interesting things to look at and we have enjoyed looking for new things each time through.

Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey is another Mormon favorite. This is one of AJ's favorites, and he has read it through in its lengthy entirity several times with MJ. I like this story much more than Lucado's.

You Can Do It Sam was a recommendation from a friend. It is a simple story that T could appreciate about a small bear delivering Christmas cakes with his mother to their friends.

Tale of Three Trees is not really a Christmas book. Three trees each play a part in the life of Jesus: manger, sailing boat, cross. MJ liked it, I thought it was ok.


A Certain Small Shepherd We checked this one out from the library, but then didn't read it. It is a longer story, Maybe we can try this another year.

I got How The Grinch Stole Christmas this year too. Old favorite, of course. We haven't been able to catch it on tv yet.

Another favorite: The Polar Express. We watched the film last night as a family, and I was surprised by the language that MJ remembered from the book: "here's the part where they scrape the moon."

We didn't read these this year, but they were on our list last year.
Why Christmas Trees aren't Perfect is the story of a tree who gave of him/herself to others (a fox, a bird), yet was chosen to adorn the palace precisely because of the selflessness. I didn't love this one, but it was a big hit at the ward party last year when AJ read it.
Mr Willowby's Christmas Tree is the story of how one tree was used to give joy to many families. Fun--MJ liked it a lot.
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