A Severe Mercy

We read this one for book group a while back. Here's some excerpts from a review:

A Severe Mercy, by Sheldon Vanauken, is a heart-rending love story described by its author as "the spiritual autobiography of a love." Vanauken chronicles the birth of a powerful pagan love borne out of the relationship he shares with hiswife, Davy, and describes the growth of their relationship and the dreams that they share. As a symbol of their love, they name their dream schooner the Grey Goose, "for the grey goose, if its mate is killed flies on alone and never takes another."

While studying at Oxford, Sheldon and Davy develop a friendship with C.S. Lewis, under whose influence and with much intellectual scrutiny they accept the Christian doctrine. As their devotion to God intensifies, Sheldon realizes that he is no longer Davy's primary love--God is. Within this discovery begins a brewing jealousy.

Shortly after, Davy acquires a fatal illness. After her death Sheldon embarks on an intense experience of grief, "to find the meaning of it, taste the whole of it ... to learn from sorrow whatever it had to teach." Through painstaking reveries, he comes to discover the meaning of "a mercy as severe as death, a severity as merciful as love." He learns that her death "had these results: It brought me as nothing else could do to know and end my jealously of God. It saved her faith from assault. ...And it saved our love from perishing."

This is a pretty good summary of the book. There is a lot of interesting material to think and
talk about. The thing that I have kept returning to is the story of their love. They were married for 15 to 18 years, and were able to keep their love alive and fresh and vibrant all that time. They dreamed big, and then went out and made a way for their dreams to come alive. They studied together, read together, and talked and talked about everything. It was inspiring to read about.

I was really taken by their devotion to each other and their ability to work hard and maintain the freshness of their love. The women in my book group seemed to pooh-pooh this though. They said that their love needed to mature, and that all loves have to move past their springtime. Some of them thought that their relationship seemed suffocating: they were so often together and shared so much that it seemed that they had no separate lives. There must be a balance though and I think that life gets so busy and you have kids and they demand a lot and sometimes it seems hard to remember what it was like in the springtime of a relationship, so distant does it seem from where you are now.

I was particularly frustrated one night when I was trying to talk to AJ about something. Just a small thing I had heard or read, I don't even remember what it was now. MJ came demanding attention, the conversation was lost, and I felt resentful. I got angry. And then when AJ said, "Ok, what did you want to say?" I couldn't remember. It feels like that happens often. And when we do have quiet time, sometimes it's hard to find something to talk about besides the kids and the schedule.

Anyway, the book was great. The story of their relationship with CS Lewis and their conversion to Christianity was remarkable, and Davy's illness and death and Sheldon's mourning were heartbreaking. Highly recommended.