Bellezza

Bellezza is the Italian word for beauty. It is also the root of my birth surname, which was modified back in the late 1800's when my Italian ancestors emmigrated to the United States. When I figured out the significance of my last name, I felt it was an appropriate moniker for a family of 7 daughters (and no sons).

I love my last name and was sad to give up its prominence when I got married. I now use it as my middle name.

Over the last few months, my life circumstances have been changing. We are in transition mode, both of us finishing graduate school (for me, it has been a very long road), moving from city life to the suburbs, test driving a mini-van, and AJ taking the job of his dreams. And me? Well, I've been staying at home to take care of my two kids.

My reactions have been manifold and varied depending on the day. But, the overriding reaction that I've had is a sense of lost identity. I feel that I have nothing interesting to say at the end of the day, and that I spend my time making sure macaroni and cheese doesn't get ground into kitchen floor and that MJ and T don't do bodily harm to each other. I feel empty. And somewhat claustrophobic--the physical clutching, grasping of my children, combined with a new residence and no friends here makes me feel, at times, depressed and desparate.

I'm not sure where I'm headed, nor where I want to head. I keep thinking that perhaps a part time job would be a perfect solution for me and my family, but it doesn't seem to be quite the right thing. Or at least, I don't feel like it's the right thing, even if I think it's the right thing.

Anyway, I see this blog as an outlet for me. I want to write about the books I'm reading, to comment about my life, to develop my opinions. I chose to name it Piazza Bellezza because this is my personal spot--to say what I want and what I feel, and to connect it to me and to who I am. I hope, in the process, to find more of myself and to develop the ability to see more beauty around me.