Secret Women's Day

For a while now, all the organists have gotten to choose the congregational hymns. Since there was no topic given for yesterday's meeting, and since Pioneer Day is coming up, I decided to pay homage to two women who were influential in the early days of the church and influential in shaping the music that we sing. We sang three of Eliza R. Snow's poems set to song--Though Deepening Trials, Again We Meet Around the Board, and Awake! And Arise! (I love that one). We recently sang O My Father and her other two more familiar sacrament hymns, but it was fun to dig these ones up. I decided to bypass her In Our Lovely Deseret and The Time is Far Spent to include one hymn that Emma Hale Smith selected for the first compilation of hymns--God is Love.

I'm sure that no one in the congregation noticed any connection between the songs, but I did make my primary class figure out what I had done.

Another thing I realized this week

AJ was talking about work. About meetings. About consultants coming in to analyze the company inefficiencies. About development budgets. And I realized that I have very little idea of what his days really are like. On the other hand, my days are completely known to him. It's about driving kids places, making meals, picking up, reading books with the kids. It's what he does when he is home.

My world felt completely subsumed in his. And I felt resentful about it.

For a brief shining moment...

Last week, I was contacted by a liberal arts university in the area that was adding a section of an intro sociology class. I had emailed around my vita in the spring looking for adjunct teaching, and nothing had turned up initially. I was excited about the possibility--only one class to teach. It would be personally manageable and I could get some experience teaching and building my vita. I brainstormed a lot about what an intro class could look like. I googled intro syllabi. I was invigorated. I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be teaching classes in a university setting and imagining my life more concretely with work. I also had a great conversation with the department chair.

Then, it turned out that a member of the faculty there decided rather belatedly that he would take on an extra class. The department chair was obligated to go with the faculty member.

It wasn't wasted time. I hope that there will be other opportunities at this university. But, I do feel dejected. And somewhat aimless about my life right now. I wonder if things will ever be different and will ever feel settled for me. We have all these ideas about goals for our life. But, will anything really change?